Delilah
10 Jul 2024, this is dedicated to the one I love..
While I’m far away from you my baby
Whisper a little prayer for me my baby
Because it’s hard for me my baby
And the darkest hour is just before dawn
- Dedicated to the One I Love by The Mamas & the Papas
Sometimes a darling bud enters your life in the month of May and makes you sing Sonnet 18. And just within a couple of weeks, I wonder how it’s possible for the same flower to make you feel exactly like the lyrics above, a darkest hour just before dawn? The darling bud never bloomed into a flower after all these weeks.
I am actually running out of any topics to think and write about, and all my thoughts are pretty sporadic and very one-liners when it comes to this piece. But broadly, this comes under the theme of quiet love, so that’s the theme for this piece.
It’s a challenge writing this piece because everything has been resolved, and I am left with no unanswered questions, and the crisis came with an advance warning. Almost like it wanted me to prepare to face this night. I am writing because there’s no better way I know that will help me deal with this. There are people who will listen, and I can rant to them, but beyond a point, you have to deal with stuff on your own and resolve things. In fact, a friend offered to talk, but this is more appropriate. I am writing because helps me put an end to stories.
I remember spending a good four days at a backpacker’s hostel in Mumbai, where I had a memorable time. On my last morning, I spent about 20 minutes before I left the place taking a last tour, just to hit the nostalgia. It was obviously a very sad feeling, but I had a smile as I small-talked with a Korean on the terrace. The good bit was that I looked forward to what was coming ahead in life.
This time, it’s the same bit of sadness, but unlike the hostel experience, which gave me enough confidence to look forward in life, this one lacks that feeling. It’s like dipping the heart in icy cold water and expecting it to get warm on its own.
This piece is called Delilah because I am currently learning that song on the ukulele and have been humming it everywhere I walk.
Delilah because a thousand miles seems pretty far.
Delilah because someday, hopefully, I’ll pay the bills with my ukulele.
Delilah because tonight she looked so pretty, and Times Square couldn’t shine as bright as her.
Delilah because she’s to blame.
Delilah because two more years, and she’ll probably be done with school.
Delilah because times are getting hard.
Delilah because I’ll be a thousand miles away.
It’s fascinating how much small things like a notepad or a pen that’s next to you on your work desk are important to you. You use them every day, and we love them, just that we probably don’t get enough chances to appreciate and express our love out loud. If you start thinking and scanning, surely you’ll be able to find at least a hundred such items that are important, without which your life would miss something like an unhinged or broken screw in a brand new machine. We fail to point out their importance and only know their importance when they’re gone.
Probably, we must start quietly loving things. And in some cases, quietly love some people, like a crush at a gym. Nothing’s ever said; the lover knows it’s not realistic: it could be an age gap, or they have really different plans in life, or they are not mature enough to understand the lover’s interests, or they missed listening to the lover’s favorite song.
But all in all, they add an element to your day, and your day probably bloomed with excitement by 1%. After all, the Zeigarnik effect, and we are always looking forward to things in life and in this world no matter how much you’ve slowed down.
But when they are gone, millions in your bank balance, a shelter over your home, tons of quality friends, a cooked meal served to you, and even your own massive library and music collection fail to give you the security, self-esteem, and confidence to deal with such a situation.
Like I said, this crisis today came with a fair warning. I enjoyed the day today. Made sure the gloomy feeling was felt. I listened to songs, sang them, closed my eyes, and felt the goosebumps. I was sweaty and nervous for a while, and at the end of it all, smiled and kept on humming Delilah. This time, I had no words on the last sight.
Come to think of it, I had a lot to offer, and it made me realize how much I am capable of giving and loving, quietly.
Did they know how deeply I felt about this? Were they capable of receiving my love?
I guess it’s safe to think in such situations that things happen for a reason. I think today about how life would have turned out if a couple of things had worked out. It makes me feel and think about all these alternative endings. How would it have turned out, and why has it turned out this way? Rather, why have I always landed in this situation?
In this stream of thoughts, it came to me that it’s just one of those sad experiences that life has to offer. Probably like hurting your knee while playing football, spilling hot coffee over yourself, falling off a chair, or something that hurts as sharply as a paper cut.
It was never meant to happen, it was never planned to happen. All of this is a second-order effect or probably even a third-order effect of a decision to learn something new this year.
Probably I waited for the war to happen and didn’t say enough. I had lost the battle already after the news of the troops going away soon. I had lost the words, and a future with someone can only be there in my imagination. Speaking it out loud would not have changed anything.
Hope I had the courage to say a better goodbye, but I was not feeling okay. Let’s see what comes next.
Coming back to it, there are always the stars, sky, clouds, trees, and wind to admire, and the sun to bathe in; it will be the same for her… just a thousand miles away.
All while pondering, did they notice my quiet love, or was Delilah blind?
Each night before you go to bed my baby
Whisper a little prayer for me my baby
And tell all the stars above
This is dedicated to the one I love
(Love can never be exactly like we want it to be)
- Dedicated to the One I Love by The Mamas & the Papas
Hey there, Delilah, I am worried about the distance, I’m can’t be there if you get lonely, Probably give this piece another read.
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
You may check out everything I wrote between June 2022 and November 2023 on this page; I then moved to this platform.
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