On Killing Time
Originally written on 5th July, 2022. Inspired by ankit’s post What happened to physical mobility?
I tried a small experiment on myself a few days ago: I planned to do nothing for 30 minutes. My first attempt was unsuccessful, it’s been a few days and I believe I can do better now. No meditation, no music, no phone, no speaking; just do nothing for 30 minutes, to the extent that you try not to think about anything. It was a Saturday, I had a pretty hectic day, had multiple calls, had planned to meet a friend but it was cancelled due to the unexpected rains. During my first attempt, I mostly walked and played with a yo-yo (I keep one on my workdesk) ; I had turned off my phone, and when I couldn’t take enough, saw that the stopwatch read 20 minutes.
I’ve been thinking about this experiment a lot since then. We are constantly looking for distractions and we keep inviting things that don’t usually mean much most of the time — some simple examples include switching apps, watching short videos, and infinite scrolling. I don’t want to be distracted, and I want to be able to spend time alone doing nothing.
Looking back at life, I believe I’ve raced enough in the last 25 years, and things can and should change now. Many things could have waited in the past, and my actions weren’t worth the time and energy if we compare the outcomes. For the time being, I think I just want to feel things more, be around people, and spend time doing things I enjoy — reading, quizzing, exploring, and so on.
I am writing this on a Monday night. After dinner, I usually do two things: read and/or chat with friends or in groups. I began my day with some exercise, and there were some pending newsletters from the previous week that I planned to finish reading in the afternoon, I spent nearly two hours reading those. Then I worked till the evening, also took a quick nap after lunch. I still haven’t touched the book I am reading currently (The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah) all day. I should be reading the book, but instead I’m writing and editing this blog post. I want to feel okay about not doing the book justice today. But why is that so difficult?
In the evening, I saw an e-invite to a seminar on “productivity tools and how to use them”. Vrushabh from 2021 would have registered for this event right away. This time, I didn’t bother and simply deleted the email after reading the event description. How much should we improve ourselves?
Let’s take the analogy of an internet-based food delivery business. The company functions with an army of people who write code, design, ensure that everything runs smoothly, assist with customer queries, and so on. The company must ensure that it is in compliance with the regulatory norms. The underlying principle is that they must stay in business and remain the best in town. They keep releasing app updates every now and then, always shipping something beautiful and striving to improve. The stakes are high here. But should we do this to ourselves and compete in a rat race with our minds and our bodies?
Leaving aside the real work that brings us joy, satisfaction, and contentment, I believe we are running a race with no finish line in this age of the internet. I’ve met people who say they only read self-help books and watch productivity videos to improve themselves all the time. Can we put an end to the phrase “I couldn’t spend my day productively.” It is okay; there’s always tomorrow, and it’s not worth beating yourself up about it. Everyday does not have to be productive.
When I first started writing this post, I noted down all of my fresh thoughts and spent about 30 minutes trying to fight imposter sydrome “Should I even write it?” Because I struggled on thinking how to end this post as it did not have any conlcusion. Does this post have to end with a conclusion?
Can we spend time doing nothing with ourselves? Can we be content even if our day does not go as planned?
Let’s embrace and enjoy free time, let’s slow down, let’s be humans.
Bonus read: An ancient technique can improve your attention span by bigthink.com
Ending this post with an excerpt from Bill Bryson’s book A Walk in the Woods, one amazing book that I read this year.
There is no point in hurrying because you are not actually going anywhere. However far or long you plod, you are always in the same place: in the woods. It’s where you were yesterday, where you will be tomorrow. The woods is one boundless singularity. Every bend in the path presents a prospect indistinguishable from every other, every glimpse into the trees the same tangled mass. For all you know, your route could describe a very large, pointless circle. In a way, it would hardly matter.
