Thoughts on a Lonely Saturday Night…
Originally written on 9 Dec, a Saturday
We all do something and feel the need to do something all the time. Since the last few days I’ve started to enjoy nothingness, being with myself and just being in awe of what’s around me. It feels like a movie with the music from my fav playlist in the background.
- Meet a friend for dinner or chai
- Watch a movie/series I’ve been planning to
- Catch up with an internet friend
- Go out for a bike ride and roam the city
- Order some food
- Work/spend time browsing the internet
- Arrange a call to play a game with friends
As per my likes and dislikes, these are some of the options that I have on my plate, but after a series of events, I chose to come home and spend time with my own thoughts and my books.
Don’t get me wrong, I equally love spending time alone and equally love spending time with my friends and other folks, but I was thanking God and stomping my own feet with sadness by gifting me this Saturday night alone, I honestly would have loved to spend more time with my friends over dinner.
With the thought that started this piece — I could also not be doing anything; I could just be sitting in silence, that’s an option. But here I am writing this because we all gotta do something almost all the time. I could also not be writing this piece and, in turn, you wouldn’t be reading this piece, and depending on whether you received this piece you could either choose to read this piece, take a glimpse at it or ignore it altogether.
I had a moment today morning — it’s a Saturday, so I don’t work, I picked up a book that’s on the life of Proust and sat reading it in the sun, I was in my shorts. A couple of pages into the book and I started adoring the stuff that’s around me — the noises, the wind, the sunlight, the pages of the book, leaves, and suddenly that just became the most beautiful place I had ever been to. I also loved how in this itchy winter the sun made me warm and gave me comfort that I kept on sliding myself optimizing for sunlight on my body. Let me assure you, I was not on any mind-boggling psychedelic substance.
I also visited a booksale today evening in which you need to purchase books in fixed boxes that are priced according to their size. Initially, I liked a few titles and very randomly I started to put them in the box. After my box looked full, I went to my friends, asking what they were up to, and one of them came forward and helped out by arranging all the books, creating space so that I could accommodate books in the box, all while talking to his muse on a phone call. I didn’t ask for it, but he helped with that; anyway I would have had to do that later sometime to decide whether I needed a bigger box for my books. What if had not done that? But he did that without a second thought.
What if we did nothing and the whole world would just spend their time a specific time altogether doing nothing?
At a signal, how cool would it be if all of us would just stop and took a moment for that mindfulness.There’s an annoying auto driver who honks his way because he’s in a hurry to wrap up work, get more passengers, and earn more; perhaps his wife is expecting a baby that might come out anytime soon so he’s anticipating that happy call so that he zooms away breaking the traffic, just how a pigeon goes with focus to its nest where it has freshly laid eggs.
In this moment of mindfulness and silence, he would stop, pause, look at everything that’s around him, and also spend time with his own thoughts; would he start appreciating what’s around him or that’s only reserved for the non-bourgeoisie? A self-reflection might enhance his thoughts and ignite some neurons that were never ignited before or it might also give him a bad trip even without a substance — because he’s just not used to doing nothing!
Wonder how a person spends his time in a solitary prison. You can only read as much, you can only exercise as much, you can probably only look at that small tree through the window in the cell. Over the time that you spend in your room there, the tree grows in size just like the thoughts with which you spend time all alone.
In a way, we are all a result of what and how we choose to spend our time. Also, what and how closely we choose to be with the folks that have touched us and have access to. What more? I also work at a place that has got a variation of the word ‘think’ in its title, and here I am, thinking and feeling my own thoughts to put them here.
That’s the price we pay sometimes when choosing to do nothing and come home, spending time with thoughts and books on a young, chilly and lonely Saturday night..
Bonus reads
- On Killing Time
- The essay How to Open Your Eyes from How Proust Can Change Your Life by Alain de Botton
